


A Cold One with Christ

by JohnJoestar



Category: Christian Bible, Doom (Video Games)
Genre: Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Crack Treated Seriously, Friendship, Gen, Hanging Out, Silent Protagonist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 09:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20289418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnJoestar/pseuds/JohnJoestar
Summary: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28





	A Cold One with Christ

“I can’t kill you – but I won’t have you stand in our way.”

With a flick of his wrist, a blade made from glowing unholy energy shot forth from the Crucible. The Doom Slayer could practically see the smug satisfaction radiating from Samuel Hayden’s robotic form as he sauntered off.

**TETHER** **ACTIVATION**

“Until we see each other again.”

_Hayden! You son of a bitch! Hayden! _With the dimensional tether trapping him in place and his vocal cords atrophied long ago, the Doom Slayer could do nothing but hoarsely scream in incoherent rage as Hayden’s form disappeared amidst a fog bank. _What the hell is this shit? Leaking LN2 coolant?_

As the Doom Slayer kept struggling and screaming, the all-too familiar electric arcs danced all over him, followed by a blinding flash of light. A million scenarios raced through his mind about his possible destination, none of which was good. As soon as his vision returned, the trusty Super Shotgun materialized in his hands. He shouldered the weapon and whipped around, scanning the surrounding for threats.

He had thought of a million possibilities about where he would end up, but the scenery in front of him wasn’t any of them.

Instead of the familiar fire and brimstone hellscape or the apocalyptic ruins of human civilization he’d witnessed far too many times, the Doom Slayer was surrounded by a meadow covered in knee-high grass that was a healthy shade of green. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, just the sun gently shining down on him. According to the Praetor Suit’s readouts, there was a gentle breeze blowing south-south-west at 14 kilometres per hour, and the ambient temperature was a comfortable 20 degrees Celsius (a welcoming far cry from the coldness of the Martian surface or Hell’s scorching heat). He cautiously trudged north, his shotgun still at the ready in case it was all a demonic trick.

The Doom Slayer barely walked a hundred meters when he noticed movement in the grass ahead. He pointed his shotgun at the rustling grass as he rushed forward, fully prepared to be ambushed by a horde of assorted demons. His mind went into overdrive as he calculated the best course of action. _Nail the bastard ahead of me with the super shotgun first, then pounce on the closest one with my pistol. Gonna have to dart back if a Revenant shows up…_

His movement and train of thought both came to a crashing halt when he saw the source of the rustling: a fully-grown rabbit that was looking up at him. It hopped over to him and gently brushed its head against the feet before hopping away and stopping ten meters ahead of him. The rabbit looked at the Doom Slayer, as if beckoning him to follow it. The Doom Slayer remained in place, pondering whether to follow the little furball in case it’s some hellish scheme to catch him by surprise. The patiently waiting rabbit had stirred up a memory inside him, something related to the amulet he had carried with him since time immemorial, a name.

_Daisy._

The Doom Slayer hesitantly took a step forward, and the rabbit hopped another two meters before turning around and look at him once more. The way it tilted its head seemed casual, almost playful, and radiated an air of innocence. _If this isn’t Hell, then where am I? Another Earth?_

_Can’t do any good if I stay here. If it wants to lead me to some demons to kill, then that’s fine by me. _With the Super Shotgun in hand, the Doom Slayer decided to keep following the rabbit and see where it would lead him. Their journey was a short one, and there hadn’t been any detectable changes in the weather. _Boring. Peaceful._

Soon, a thin wisp of smoke was in view, and the source became clear as the Doom Slayer followed the rabbit. It was a small structure unlike anything he had seen in the past millennia or two. Instead of Hell’s warped stones or the UAC’s industrial steel and concrete, the cabin was made of wood with a brick chimney on top. The were more signs of life around the cabin: several rabbits playing in the grass, a sleeping lamb, and a human figure on the porch. _Must be pulling guard duty._

As the Doom Slayer approached, he pulled the Super Shotgun up to a low ready and paid very close attention to the figure on the porch. He had worn features, close-cropped hair, and wore some kind of blue armor that screamed UAC. The other human noticed the Doom Slayer’s approach and stood up, revealed he was armed with a Super Shotgun of his own. As they sized each other up, the Doom Slayer sense a familiar vibe from the guard. It was as if he had fought his own battles against Hell’s denizens.

“It’s okay! He’s an old friend!” A voice came from inside the cabin, and the guard relaxed his stance. He turned towards the cabin and gestured the Doom Slayer to follow him up to the front door. _Could it be?_

A man pushed the door open and stepped onto the front porch, dressed in a set of overalls and a purple flannel shirt. For the first time in eons, the Doom Slayer was taken aback. Although the man in front of him had always looked different, including even his facial features, there was no mistaking the circle of scars around his head.

Or the nail marks on his hands.

_Jesus, _The Doom Slayer raised his right hand. _Good to see you again._

“How have you been, old buddy?” Jesus grinned ear-to-ear as he gripped the Doom Slayer’s hand and immediately tried to arm-wrestle him. “Looks like being stuck in a coffin hasn’t weakened you one bit.”

The Doom Slayer let out a series of violent huffs that could only be described as laughter in the loosest terms. Despite putting all his strength into it, he and Jesus were still at a stalemate. _Not too bad for someone who’s cooped up in Heaven._

“We’ll call it a draw,” Jesus said as he let go and wrapped an arm around the Doom Slayer’s shoulders. “Come on in, man! We got some catching up to do!”

The interior of the cabin was just as rustic as the outside but far larger. Unlike typical Heaven designs with all their marble columns and angel statues, Jesus’ cabin was far more simple and homely. The Doom Slayer knew he had visited in the past, more than once in fact, but any specific details were lost amidst eons of battle and carnage. Nothing more than brief moments of peace amidst an eternity of slaughter.

“I know it’s been so long you can’t even remember anymore, but I did all the woodwork myself,” Jesus said as he led the Doom Slayer to a lounge of sorts and gestured towards a couch. “Designed this place to be as welcoming as possible for weary visitors, especially yourself. Have a seat, take a load off, and make yourself at home.”

Nodding in appreciation, the Doom Slayer sat down and leaned back, willing his body to relax. Reaching towards his head, he did something unthinkable, something he would only ever do in a place like Jesus’ cabin.

He took off his helmet, which dematerialized into whatever quantum realm the rest of his weapons and ammo were stored.

There was a hint of wood smoke in the air, nothing like the noxious sulfurous fumes in Hell, and a faint smell of baked bread. The air was perfectly clean otherwise, free of the all too familiar cordite and torn flesh. He breathed deeply, enjoying the pleasant air that he most likely would never smell again for another few millennia. His eyes tracked Jesus as he disappeared into what must have been a kitchen and reemerging moments later with two huge bottles and a basket.

“Classic beer recipe, made with the finest hops and yeast Egypt has to offer,” Jesus said as he put the bottles and basket on the table. Having since transcended the need for food along with other mortal necessities, it took the Doom Slayer a few moments to recognize a what was in the basket: a few loaves of bread and several whole baked fish.

“Remember now? One of my favorite party tricks?” Jesus then took a loaf of bread and tore it in two before offering the larger piece to the Doom Slayer. “Come on, don’t be shy. Plenty more where that came from.”

The Doom Slayer nodded and took the piece from Jesus. He put the bread in his mouth and slowly chewed, savoring the aroma and the soft texture and committing them to memory. It would fade in time, when he would inevitably be lost amidst bloodlust and battle. Yet the Doom Slayer vowed to hold on to this little moment of peace and contentment for as long as he could.

_Who’s the guard? _The Doom Slayer could no longer talk, but he had other ways to communicate. It’s a good thing Jesus could read minds.

“Someone like you. There was a Mars that suffered two invasions in that many years,” Jesus’ tone went from jovial to solemn instantly. “He gave his life stopping the second one and even took down a powerful demon in the process. You’ve heard this story before: humans falls to Hell’s temptation and betray their own, and a hero has to come along and stop it with great cost.”

_I see. _The Doom Slayer opened his beer bottle and held it up. _To another hero._

“L’Chaim.” Jesus nodded and returned the Doom Slayer’s toast.

_How have you been? We haven’t hung out since…since…Never mind, I can’t remember._

“It’s been the same old up here in Heaven,” Jesus took a swig from his bottle, sighing deeply afterwards. “We try our hardest saving all the souls from as many realms we can. A lot of times we do succeed, but other times the message gets drowned out by Hell’s false promise and…well…you know what happens afterwards.”

The Doom Slayer nodded and looked at the floor dejectedly. During moments like these, when he’s not busy ripping and tearing demons to shreds, the Doom Slayer’s flame of rage flickered and dimmed until thoughts of weakness came flooding in. _Yeah, destroyed just like Argent D’Nur. I’ve seen Hell on Earth too many times to count. It’s all a blur now._

“I mourn every soul that’s lost to Hell, and I’m sure you do too in your own way,” Jesus said. “But I never, _ever_, slip into despair. Every soul I _do_ save is precious, and it makes a world of difference for that soul and all their loved ones.”

The Doom Slayer looked up and gave Jesus his usual intense stare, as if asking him to go on.

“But you, friend? You work is just as important. You avenge the ones who are lost, and every demon you slay is one less to torment the living,” Jesus continued. “You clean out the worst scum Hell has to offer and buy humanity time to reflect and repent, even giving them a little hope knowing Hell isn’t all-powerful. Not even close.”

_That’s a good way to look at it. Thanks for the reminder. _The Doom Slayer nodded and took a swig from his bottle.

“Keep fighting the good fight, buddy. One day, the final victory will come,” Jesus said. “Until then, feel free to drop by whenever you want. Now, why don’t I get us more drinks? I’ve been following your last little romp on Mars, but I want to hear what _you_ thought of the whole thing.”

_Oh, this is going to be good._ The Doom Slayer smirked as he finished off his bottle. In the meantime, Jesus had gone to the kitchen and came back with a whole crate of beer.

* * *

The two of them drank, snacked, and shot the breeze about the Doom Slayer’s latest battles on Mars starting from the moment he woke up in the coffin to Hayden’s betrayal (which prompted Jesus to cough and mutter ‘Judas’ under his breath). The Son of Man seemed to be especially awed by all the creative brutal ways in which the Doom Slayer dispatched Hell’s forces, even laughing at how gruesome some of the so-called "Glory Kills" were. After a couple of hours and an uncountable amount of beer bottles, the two of them went to Jesus’ wood shop and put the Doom Slayer’s chainsaw to good use by cutting logs and stumps apart for future carpentry projects. Jesus whooped and cheered as he tried out the chainsaw, and even the normally stoic Doom Slayer chuckled a few times.

His buzz had worn off in mere minutes after his final drink, and the Doom Slayer began to feel a familiar compulsion: rip and tear, until it is done. After sawing his way through one last stump, the chainsaw disappeared from his hand, replaced by his helmet.

“I see, you have to go now,” Jesus didn’t sound remotely disappointed or upset, simply acknowledge something inevitable.

The Doom Slayer donned his helmet, the neck joints clanking and hissing as they formed a seal with the rest of his suit. The short visit would be a blink of an eye compared to what lay ahead, but it did not matter to him. After all, Hell’s forces won’t kill themselves (outside of some petty inter-demon feuds, that is).

“Thanks for stopping by,” Jesus said as he walked the Doom Slayer over to the door. “I was hoping you and the other guy could hang out, trade war stories, and all that.”

_There’ll be another time. I have all eternity, _The Doom Slayer was suddenly pulled into a bear hug by Jesus, not that he minded. _Thanks for having me._

After nodding at the porch guard and Jesus, the Doom Slayer strode off once more.

_Now, how do I get this stupid tether working and go kill some demons?_

**Author's Note:**

> For those who are curious, the guard on the porch is the main character of the Doom 3 expansion pack Resurrection of Evil.


End file.
